Self-Coaching for Women: How to Overcome Anxiety and Build Inner Strength

Everyone is talking about the benefits of coaching these days. Coaching techniques have permeated every aspect of our lives – from career development to romantic relationships. This tool for self-discovery and self-development, a process where individuals answer important questions for themselves, truly deserves attention. You don't necessarily need to consult a specialist right away – the concept of self-coaching allows us to cultivate an honest dialogue with ourselves, filled with understanding, acceptance, and support.

Self-coaching is a journey where you become your own best friend and mentor. It's about progress without pressure, comparisons, shame, or guilt.

If you feel 'stormy' or off-kilter, you've lost confidence or motivation, often feeling a sense of meaninglessness, and anxiety has become your constant companion – it's time to try coaching techniques.

Step 1. Awareness: Start by Hearing Yourself

The first and most crucial step in an anxious state – regardless of its cause – is to re-establish contact with yourself.

Ask yourself a simple question: "How am I feeling right now?" – and pause for a moment to truly listen to the answer.

Don't rush ahead or silence your inner voice with endless 'I must' and 'I should.' Give yourself permission to express all feelings and emotions that you previously tried to 'fix' or suppress.

Consider starting a morning or evening journal – a time when no one distracts you, allowing you to be truly alone with yourself. Give yourself permission to write down everything that comes to mind – without censorship or judgment. This practice will help lower your internal tension and bring back clarity.

Try the 'Freeze-Frame' technique three times a day: pause and ask yourself:

• What am I feeling right now?
• What am I thinking about?
• What do I need?
• What do I already have?

This ritual will bring you back to reality, which is far safer than the anxious scenarios playing out in your mind.

Tip: Start a gratitude journal – it’s a powerful tool for cultivating inner resilience. In this article, I’ve already detailed how to keep one effectively.

Additionally, you can test if the self-listening process has begun using the Game on my website – if the associations click, then you're on the right track!

Step 2. Shifting from Criticism to Support

You'll be surprised to discover how profoundly your current state influences the way you speak to yourself.

Anxious women are often extremely self-demanding. This demanding nature may appear as self-discipline or motivation, but it actually undermines your self-esteem and intensifies anxiety.

Begin with a simple exercise: observe the phrases you use when you're stressed or anxious.

Most likely, they sound something like: "I've messed everything up again," "Why can't I get this right?" or "Everyone else can do it, but I can't."

Notice these patterns? Immediately rephrase them. Not into a saccharine motivational quote, but into realistic self-compassion:

• "I made a mistake, but I'm learning."
• "This is tough for me now, but I'm not giving up."
• "I don't have to be perfect to be loved and accepted."

Create a list of such supportive phrases and repeat them daily. Over time, they will become your default inner voice.

Bonus: Here’s my article with a collection of 50 affirmations to boost your self-esteem daily. Use them and become more confident in yourself!

Step 3. Your Body – Your Anchor: Reconnect Through Sensation

Our body is an extension of our subconscious, so when anxiety is overwhelming, you can 'ground' yourself and feel your feet firmly on the earth again.

The following practices can help with this:

• Surface Contact: Sit comfortably, feeling the support beneath your feet and behind your back. Notice the texture, temperature, and hardness/softness of what you're touching.
• Cold Water Face Wash: An excellent way to bring yourself back to reality.
• Muscle Tensing: Systematically tense and then relax different parts of your body. Repeat as many times as needed to ease your state.

Utilize another great technique: the "5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Method". When anxiety feels overwhelming, pause and describe:

• 5 things you can see;
• 4 sounds you can hear;
• 3 tactile sensations you can feel;
• 2 smells you can detect;
• 1 taste you can experience.

Why are these practices effective when anxious? They help you move from your 'head' back into your body. From catastrophic scenarios playing out in your imagination to reality. From regrets and past grievances, and worries about the future, to the present moment – the "here and now."

Step 4. Physical Well-being: A Strong Body Means a Strong Mind

When your body is depleted, your psyche inevitably falters. Therefore, a crucial step in self-care is to nurture your body so it can, in turn, support you.

Regular movement – even short walks, dancing to your favorite song, or morning stretching – helps release stress hormones and allows you to regain control over your body and emotions.

Proper nutrition – free from drastic diets, starvation, or overeating – will provide you with the necessary resources for optimal brain and nervous system function.

• Eat regularly and sufficiently. Avoid eating on the go, under stress, or relying on coffee to suppress hunger;
• Eliminate anxiety-inducing foods: excessive sugar, strong coffee, energy drinks – replace them with anxiety-reducing foods;
• Drink more pure water;

If building a healthy eating system feels daunting right away, try my bot with the 'My Nutrition' option – it's your personal assistant designed to help you:

• Choose foods that support hormonal balance – to align with your needs during different cycle phases;
• Create meal plans without unnecessary stress or complex calculations;
• Receive tips and reminders that help you take care of yourself.

[Click here to download the bot with the 'My Nutrition' option and take the first step towards a calmer, more resourceful life.]

Step 5. The Right Questions – Your Inner GPS

Anxiety is an endless internal dialogue, where every question feels like a trap:
"What if everything goes wrong?"
"What if they judge me?"
"What if I can't handle it?"

Such questions only fuel fear. However, you can replace them with more resourceful coaching questions that don't block your potential but amplify it significantly.

Try:

• What's truly important to me in this situation?
• What can I do right now to feel calmer?
• If I truly loved myself, how would I act?
• What are my strengths that I tend to forget?
• What can help me feel a sense of control, even in a small way?

These questions activate the part of you capable of finding solutions, rather than getting stuck in worry.

Make it a habit to answer these questions in writing – this practice helps you hear your inner voice more clearly.

Step 6. Create a System of Inner Support – Your Rituals, Your Rhythm

One reason our anxiety thrives is the feeling that we are entirely dependent on external circumstances beyond our control.

This is especially true now, during times of profound instability and uncertainty.

This is where inner rituals come to your aid, restoring your strength and stability.

• Consider what small things give you a sense of being 'home.'
• What helps you 'piece yourself back together' after prolonged stress?
• What actions and interactions with people fill you with energy and inspiration?

This could be anything – from a quiet morning coffee on the balcony to painting or taking your dog for a walk.

Understand this: these are not trivialities. They are what help you restore your inner resources. 

Make time and create opportunities for yourself!

Step 7. Allow Yourself to Be Imperfect

It's okay to be an imperfect colleague, wife, mother, or daughter. This holds true even if you're accustomed to controlling everything, being 'strong,' and most afraid of letting someone down or disappointing them.

Self-coaching is the opportunity to allow yourself to be who you truly are and not feel ashamed of it.

Instead of clenching your teeth and rushing into another task, ask yourself: 'What am I feeling right now?' Insecurity, weakness, fatigue, or even anger – this is completely normal!

Acknowledging what is truly happening inside you is the first step towards becoming your authentic self.

Try giving yourself permission: to not cope, to not know, to not be able, to cry, to rest, to ask for help.

This isn't about weakness; it's about psychological maturity and a path to your authentic, true self – with all your unique qualities and needs.

Self-Coaching as a Lifestyle

Self-coaching is not just another clever psychology book gathering dust on your shelf. It's not a motivational workshop whose lessons you forget by the following Monday. It's not merely a friend offering advice based solely on their worldview and life experiences.

It’s a tool for self-discovery, through which you learn to think and act in alignment with your values and desires. It can highlight what you've long known but perhaps forgotten to acknowledge. And it will help chart your path with the fewest obstacles and reveal horizons you can't see from your current state.

Strive to make mindfulness through self-coaching a lifestyle.

 Learn to listen to yourself and offer support, especially when you feel scared or anxious. 

You can do this. Just help yourself see your strength and your light.